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It was about 6 months ago when my son said “We are going to the Great Barrier Reef Mum,  it would be great to dive together”. Those words had such an impact. First that my son wanted me to dive with him (I am sure that the parents in you know of those moments when your children no longer want to be associated with you!) and my son is 30 years old now, so I felt very honoured that a) he wanted me to dive with him and b) that he thought I could!! Let me give you some background information – I have spent my life (well the bits of it that involved water) keeping my head out of it – water that is. I can do a beautiful breastroke with my head (and in the 60’s – my false eyelashes) well out of the water at all times. So this would be a challenge.

My principle has always been to say Yes to my sons .. and at this stage I found that word hard to get out of my mouth, but I didn’t say No. I thought ‘I will explore this’ though at this stage not with much expectation that I would really manage it.  I mentioned it to the groups I was teaching at the time. I should have realised that that open declaration is a part of my goal setting strategy .. and I began to feel the fear!!  ..  OK one step at a time. I spoke to more people about it. Some helped and some very definitely did not. One ‘friend’ told me how his wife had panic attacks every time she came close to putting her head underwater . I said “This is not helping” – to which he replied “Wait – I am just getting to the good bit!” I chose not to … wait that is ….

I decided to model anyone who had confidence diving, ideally someone who had previously been afraid, but anyone would do!! So just mentioning that this was my intention brought loads of exemplars into my world. I set aside some time to ‘model’ one in particular. Now at this point I was imagining my mask filling with water, me struggling to breathe, drifting down to some dark depths and much more .. I started the session ..  she identified a particular dive she had especially loved  ”.. so that special dive is like what?”  I asked.. “peaceful and relaxing” she replied “and the colours.. the colours are just amazing .. such beautiful fish” … Now a little voice (well not so little now that I think about it) inside me wanted to say … “What about the breathing.. what about the panic what about running out of air?” .. and there was the learning… she never mentioned any of those things.  I was really tempted to ask  but restrained myself realising  that to do so would really contaminate the modelling and it was this very factor about where she put her attention that made the difference …

“How is it going” my son asked in one of his long distance calls from New Zealand … “a bit of progess” I answered but still with not too much faith.  ”Maybe you could do some diving there in the UK and qualify before you come out then we can dive together?” … eek I thought inside… “Yes” I said…

OK one step at a time .. I looked up Dive Schools near me on the web. Two came up and I wrote to both telling them I was looking for somewhere that could give me the confidence to just get under water let alone dive with all the gear on and certainly nothing to do with qualifying as a diver! When I had no reply I was really rather relieved, but then dammit after a few more days they did reply … one in particular-  Dive Style in Arborfield were very reassuring..  yes they had these introductory evening sessions every month and … dammit again … I was actually free on the next one. “OK” I said “I’lll come along”… reinforcing all along what a novice I was… this thing was gaining too much momentum for my conscious liking!!

Then I found myself pulling up at the Dive School centre almost disbelieving that I was actually there. Whew, it was a classroom session.. but scarily there was a young boy who seemed to know all the answers to the questions already…” I have a cough” I said hoping that would disqualify me..” nothing to worry about” the instructor reassured me.” It is a persistent cough” I emphasised. He smiled. He had heard these tactics before!! … double dammit!! “What if I get water in my mouth?” I asked – “You get water in your mouth when you drink surely?” he replied provocatively. My own style coming back to bite me in the bum!  And then the pool – a nearby school swimming pool… then all the gear.. oh my God I nearly toppled over backwards with the weight of it all  .. and then there I was in the pool hanging on to the side (oh I forgot to mention I had one of my NLP colleagues take me through a phobia cure – anything, anything that might help me overcome this angst) (Oh and I had also had a go with a mask and snorkel in our pool in France but lasted about 30 seconds with my face underwater – I didn’t expect to hear the sound of myself breathing! well more the point struggling to breathe!). So here I was hanging onto the side rail… until the instructor gently urged me to let go with the reminder that there were no rails in the sea… I noted with great attention where the button was to inflate the buoyancy control device.. I kept my finger on that button all the time… Oh my God we were underwater.. bubbles and scary breathing… but under nevertheless… ah no .. some part of me pushed that escape button and took me up again..  Well eventually holding the instructors hand I managed ten minutes underwater..

There were many more little steps.. and giant strides too  (off the side of the pool with the gear on – ‘just do it’ was the strategy I used there to manage my shaking)…  I did the PADI course the following weekend – ooh that was tiring.. and I didn’t do all the skills but enough of them to know that I could just about do it.

And the day came… on the boat off the coast of Queensland by the Great Barrier Reef… Just two others who had dived before – my son had left earlier with another more advanced group. A potential saving moment when I could not stand with the gear on till we realised it was still locked to the side of the boat! Now in the water  … panic again .. oops how did I manage to breathe water in through my mouth and my nose at the same time..several times!!  State management. I had anchored every possible OK state I could muster on every accessible part of my body and I needed them all .. breathe, take my time… OK managed it … then that blasted regulator recovery drill.. I am sure I had been given the one errant regulator ..  five goes it took to get the thing back into my mouth… OK we were off.. big eeek… and then ….and then …  oh and then ….   the FISH .. the violet .. silvery blue fish.. angel fish just inches from my face.. how did these come to be here? There was no sign of them above the surface.. and what was that .. a fish with multi coloured stripes across its head and  these  beautiful little blue ones.. and was that pink.. my attention was on the fish … ooh deeper .. stay calm.. just breathe – others do it.. and survive.. others do it… others do this.. .. I am doing this…  a  moment of panic as I thought I was going to land on some coral ..the button .. I know I am not supposed to but tell my unconscious mind that!! .. up we go..  and there was my son Alex… just smiling and floating on the surface.. and there he stayed.. watching me from above..  what a very special moment…  him caring for me.. me taking little steps and he guiding and just believing..

And after .. we snorkelled together- him pointing out the new fish that kept appearing – a huge headed brown fish… red striped ones.. the warmth, the freedom of just drifting – this technicolour underwater theatre that I might never have seen …  I could have stayed there just floating and looking at the marvel that is underwater forever…

and in my heart I have…

Senior Citizens – Sainsbury’s Chicken & Gravy Family Pie Buy 2 for Only £5.00

Just one of the huge benefits of being over 60. Fortunately I can think of a few more!! Many of you know that I am studying Awareness through Movement – developed by a remarkable man – Moshe Feldenkrais . This has been described as an elixir for life. I was struck by these words in one of the recent texts on the subject:-

‘No advice is more treacherous than this: “Now that you’re getting older, you ought to slow down a bit”. This is a pathway leading directly to decrepitude. Such advice is not only debilitating; it is deadly. ‘

Somatics Thomas Hanna

I have spoken often about the importance of looking after ourselves given the unlikelihood of any political party being able to do that on our behalf. What we do now is likely to be what we do for the rest of our lives. Does that prospect depress you or inspire you? If the answer is not ‘inspire’ then maybe it is time to think about what you are doing!

I run Business Practitioner Programmes in NLP. Some attendees are surprised that these have a such a personal slant having not yet realised if you want a successful anything first and foremost you need to look after you. For your business to be healthy you need to be healthy. For your relationships to be healthy … … ditto you name it the consequence is the same.

The statement quoted above is an example of what we hear from people holding limiting beliefs not just asbout age or physical wellbeing but anything. I overhead someone say recently “Times are hard”. Now that is not to say that we are faced with new challenges every day financially, environmentally, politically, personally. However this person was using it as the reason for not achieving the success that they wished for in their work.  We experience disempowering beliefs every day in the press, on the TV, from our family and friends (whose intentions may be of the best kind). A delightful gentleman aged 80, who came as a model of excellence to one of my Master Practitioner programmes – a veteran racing cyclist still cycling over 200 miles every week whatever the weather, had been advised by his family to stop. They did this on the basis that he was going to harm himself! Well he had harmed himself often with the numerous crashes that he had and proudly showed us photos of his injuries. There was not a sign of self-pity or suffering – more  a state of pride. He believed that he had all the resources at the age of 80 in fact more than he had had in his younger cycling days.

We are usually unaware of these limiting beliefs with which we get bombarded every day even though we undoubtedly experience their crippling consequences.

And the good news …

The good news is that we can choose what we believe …  Beliefs aren’t facts they are views that we can hold and use as if they are fact. And if we choose beliefs that move us into a resourceful, fulfilled, vigorous, electric and alive state then why would we choose any different.  The results of all the studies that have been done with NLP and with any other study for that matter reveal time and time again what I call Beliefs of Excellence*.  And some examples (there are many)

• That nothing is failure – everything is feedback and learning. Eddison believed this in his famous statement when challenged with the hundreds of  experimental ‘failures’ to produce a lightbulb  “I am that much close to finding the solution” And no surprise with a belief like that – he did.
• That the person with the most flexibility in thinking and behaviour is the person with the most influence in any given situation.  Basically if you only have a few choices and they don’t work then chances are you are much less likely to achieve the outcomes that you want than someone who keeps pulling new strategies and new tactics and new thoughts out of the hat.
• Mind and Body are one.  If you are tense in your thinking you will be tense in your body. Much of the news these days is bad news. And for many people they let bad news create a state of stress and tension. How have you reacted to the news of the ‘world economy’ in this last year? And as John Grinder, one of the founders of the term NLP said “The three demons to personal effectiveness are Inner Noise, Fovial vision and Muscle Tension.” Need I say more?

There are many many more.  Easy to read – quite a challenge to live by them and to choose beliefs that work for you rather than those that don’t even though it seems obvious to do so. As my father in law said to me having read my book NLP at Work – “Very good Sue – and surely all common sense?” Indeed yet the practice of living is not all that common!

So a personal belief on which to finish this article from the same author with whom I started –

“There is a tendency for life in general and of technological societies in particular to wear down our well being. This is not necessary – as we grow older, our bodies and our lives can continue to improve right up to the very end”

And as they say in teen speak “End of”

*Beliefs of Excellence is a chapter in my book NLP at Work

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Or how in the Western world we stay dissociated from life

We had just arrived in Chennai for a weekend break ..  a chance to soak in a bathtub and be free of insects for a while… and get onto fast wifi connections… oh the indulgences of the Western lifestyle… And sitting at breakfast I automatically started to eat my idly and samba with my hand… then realised that no-one else in the restaurant was doing the same. In fact at that very moment the Americans on the next table asked for more cutlery along with ice filled diet cokes, pancakes and fried eggs…  I could not resist listening to their conversation.. One of their party was delayed as she had forgotten to put her sunscreen on under her make up and had to return to her room to start over…. The beautiful faces of the local Indian women in Kerala came to mind…

We returned to our room with its airconditioning that seemed to automatically switch to full on whenever we left the room… the automatic blinds to shut out the sun and immaculate bathroom with the folded ends of the toilet paper rolls and I thought of the buckets and jugs of water alongside the hole in the ground toilets in most of the local homes …. I remember thinking how unhygienic that was until I heard some of my India friends say just the same about our dependency on paper… and I also learnt why it is so important to do all eating and handshaking and offering and receiving with the right hand only!!

I noticed my back was starting to ache after just a day of sitting in the soft chairs in every room of the hotel.. And I compared this with the remarkable flexibility of the old people that I see in India who can sit cross legged on any surface ..

We in the Western world have created a buffer between ourselves and the real world… a buffer that serves only to generate more commodities, more artificial trading and more disease…. We think we are the modern world.. in my opinion we are not… we are losing touch with what really matters… and with what really works.. Time to simplify and throw out the surplus.. Soon there may be no choice…